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27 Jan 2015 Articles Comments (2)

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30 Nov 2015 Middle East - Africa News No comments

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12 Dec 2014 Q&A No comments

Can deacons perform exposition and benediction?

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31 Dec 2014 Q&A No comments

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20 Nov 2015 Articles No comments

Governor forced to become bishop: the story of St Ambrose of Milan

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13 Jul 2016 Americas Asia-Pacific Middle East - Africa News USA Vatican No comments

Lesotho Church officials call for international intervention following shooting of journalist

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29 Nov 2014 Q&A No comments

What is the difference between saints and blesseds?

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09 Sep 2016 Articles No comments

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Should I be discouraged because I’ve been told I cannot receive the sacraments since I am living with my girlfriend?

Full Question

I am a lesbian but will not go to any other church besides the Catholic Church. I have been discouraged from going because I am living with my girlfriend. Is it possible for me to be a lesbian and receive the sacraments?

Answer

There is no reason to be discouraged. The fact that you exist at this very moment is evidence of the Lord’s love for you. He continually expresses that love with every beat of your heart. He also was willing to allow his heart to stop as the result of much suffering on your behalf.

It is very possible to have same-sex attraction, be celibate, and live a very fulfilling life. He can make that happen if you want him to. For a firsthand perspective from a person in a situation like yours, see “The Courage to Do What Herod Didn’t Do” (This Rock, March 2009, available at catholic.com).

 










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10 comments

  1. Sal Reply

    I feel as if the question may have not been fully answered. You should not be discouraged from going to Church, God loves you and always welcomes you. However receiving the sacraments (Communion) is another story. Unless you are right with God and have been to confession and absolved of your sins, you may not receive Communion. Understand that going to confession and confessing is only valid if you are truly sorry and will try not to commit the sin again. Obviously if you are living together and having relations this creates the issue. This would be true regardless of homosexual or heterosexual.

  2. Haries Sankaradhas Reply

    The person may be passing through a crucial period of test. Probably he/she is not interested in leading unnatural life but some form of urge (bodily?) is leading him/her to sin. When Jesus Christ did not disown sinners, we human beings are not supposed to further demoralise our brothers and sisters but to support (without encouraging them to sin) and pray for them to come out and to lead natural path of life. Be courageous! Jesus Christ loves all people.

  3. vera Reply

    The answer is simple,
    it is a sin to have sexual relationship outside wedlock. So even if you live with a boyfriend, you are to stay away from the sacrament.
    But thanks be to God the Catholic Church is open to everyone, so that all may repent one day.
    Thank you.

  4. LM Reply

    Yes, why does the moderator not make clear, with the other important things he says, that no, she may not receive the sacraments at this time, when she is living with, and assuming from the question, having sex with her girlfriend?

  5. Barb Hitz Reply

    Okay, I feel the answer does cover all the bases in a simple and loving statement.

  6. Fidelis Veronica Reply

    Please don’t receive the sacraments in this way if the people of opposite sex who are not married in the church don’t receive you too should not listen to your conscience please.

  7. Debbie Mondejar Leoncio Reply

    Jesus, the Son of God, fully human and fully divine, offered himself in obedience to His Father, to live like us with Mother Mary and St. Joseph here on earth to show us the way back to the Father where we all belong. From his birth, his hidden years as a young boy through his adult years in public ministry and eventual passion, death, resurrection and ascension into heaven, he showed us a blueprint and pathway to heaven through his examples and teachings here on earth handed down first and foremost to His Mother, his 12 apostles with whom our current Pope Francis and all his predecessors all the way to St. Peter, the first bishop of our Catholic and apostolic church had a personal encounter with Jesus and handed down through apostolic succession. Jesus death was the only sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to the Father to allow us His children back to our heavenly home. Jesus is the new Adam, where unlike Adam, Jesus was in complete obedience to the will of His Father even unto death for our sins to be nailed back to the same tree of knowledge that gave us the predisposition to sin. His resurrection gives us hope that one day, we too if we live by His Word and teachings and do His will while on earth, we will be resurrected in our glorified bodies into heaven. His Ascension was necessary so that He could reign at the right hand of the Father as the Prince of us all through now the Holy Spirit who dwells among us all if we invite the Holy Spirit to dwell in us as we continuously aim to live in a state of grace. Why did I go through all this narrative is because I am awed at how God the Father first loved us all into being that even when our first parents fell into sin, he promised us a Savior, Jesus Christ, to help us, all of us, to gain our place in heaven once more. Now it is up to us to be for or against Him by the gift of free will He gave us. We, Catholics have the Sacraments especially the Sacrament of Reconciliation or Confession to avail of to be truly sorry for our sins and the Sacrament of the Eucharist to help nourish our soul to help us live a life of grace. It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit that will transform our minds, our hearts and the will to choose grace over sin. We are all sinners and even our humble Pope Francis acknowledged it when asked who he is and said “I am a sinner”. When we acknowledge to God that we are sinners and sincerely desire his help to transform us and do what it takes to be in a state of grace, no matter what state of life we are in, no matter what lifestyle we choose, God will see our hearts and has the loving power to change us. Let us not judge others but pray for each other that we all will be renewed in the life of the Holy Spirit! The year of Mercy is coming up starting Dec 8, 2015 Feast of Immaculate Conception to Nov 19, 2016 Feast of Christ the King! Let us start this liturgical year by practicing forgiveness and embracing all of our brothers and sisters, Christians or non Christians, believers or non-believers with the same love Christ gave to all of us sinners. Remember He came and died for all of us, sinners!

  8. Rose Morgan Reply

    We are all sinners, all have that sin we don’t seem to be able to live without, it doesn’t mean we should turn our backs on God. Nobody should be taking the sacraments if they are not in a state of grace. To do so would damage our soul. Most of us rely on our own conscience to determine our state of grace and if the length of the queues at confession compared to those at communion are viewed too closely, there may be many who are accepting the sacrament when they shouldn’t.
    Instead of feeling discouraged you should be thanking the priest who is so concerned about your eternal soul that he doesn’t, knowing you are not in a state of grace, permit you to take communion. During the time of communion there is nothing preventing you from reaching out to God and accepting Him into your heart as you accept the sacrifice He made for you on the Cross.
    I went many years feeling in my heart that I couldn’t confess a sin where I wasn’t really sorry and at the time didn’t feel what I was doing was a sin twice during that time I took communion and both times I felt that accepting the sacrament distanced me further from God rather than bringing me closer.
    We are all individuals and the Lord speaks to each of us in our hearts if we listen. Clearly God is calling you to church, Attending Mass is not purely about the Sacrament, it is an encounter with God and should be cherished as such with or without the sacrament. Just hearing the Word of God and observing the Liturgical calendar brings a soul closer the Father.
    If others in the church make you feel unworthy of attending, know in your heart that Christ doesn’t turn away anyone. You don’t say if your family still love you even with this sin but I bet they do, How much more then will the Father of us all love you. Who are we to say that a person is not worthy of hearing the Word of God spoken so beautifully during the liturgy of Mass.

  9. Lennox Reply

    First and foremost, I commend you for your bravery to accept that there is something hurting in your soul. I hope I can be of help and apologize on behalf of all who may have judged you, as is too often the case when it comes to issues such as homosexuality, extramarital sex, premarital sex, bestiality, incest etc.

    It is true that God greatly hates sexual sin in all its form (Leviticus 18), but it is also true that he loves you so much, more than anything. That is why he sent his only Son, Jesus Christ (John 3:16)—to save you from the pain you are going through!

    The fact that you feel at the deepest depths of your heart that you cannot leave the Catholic Church demonstrates very clearly that God has not abandoned you. He is very active in your life, despite how much you feel you have failed him. Rather than condemn you, God weeps for you and is always trying to put his arms around you just “as a hen gathers her chicks under her wing” (Mt 23:37)

    Therefore, to start with, Jesus has not rejected you “I will never turn away anyone who comes to me.” (John 6: 37). Don’t feel rejected or entertain the Evil One’s whispers. He has led so many astray by deceiving them that “God is too angry to ever forgive this or that”. It is a lie. He forgives ALL sins. His mercy is greater than all sins in the world.
    What is sin? Sin is to go against God’s Law. What is this Law? “Love”: Love God and neighbor (Mt 22: 34-40).

    The question is: Do you love God?

    Before answering this, I pose a saying for you that is always true: “without trust, there is no love.” In fact, trust is the visible expression of love.
    So if you love God, trust him completely. Trust that he can and will take away your sins and inclination toward lesbianism, no matter how people lie to you that it cannot go away and is “inborn”. That is utter nonsense.

    What is hard for God? Nothing! Didn’t he part the Red Sea, didn’t he give Sarah a child, Elizabeth a child, Virgin Mary and the world the Savior? Didn’t he raise his Son from the dead? Nothing is hard for God, nothing.

    Trust him as trust is the only way to prove our love—as was the case with Abraham’s test to sacrifice Isaac (Genesis 22:12).

    Trust that if you admit your sin to God, he will save you from it and not condemn you as the Evil One lies to people. Trust God will send the Holy Spirit to give you courage to refrain from that sin in future, just as He sent the Holy Spirit to the Apostles (Acts 4:31) and made them preach boldly without any fear when there was every logical reason to be afraid .

    Pray, my friend, to the Lord our God to give you this courage and He will.

    With this courage, go to confession with a contrite heart and firm resolve to not only confess everything but not go back to the sin (cohabiting, lesbianism etc.) Believe that this courage from the Holy Spirit will prevent you from slipping back, and it will.

    Courage means accepting all your sins no matter how bad. Don’t rationalize sin: sin is always wrong and God is always right (this is the mindset you should have. Never rationalize wrongdoing as rationalizing implies you somehow know better. And no one knows better than God, no one.).

    When you confess all your ‘diseases, symptoms and weaknesses’ (read, sins), the ‘healer’ (read, God), will instruct his ‘doctor’ (read, priest) to give you the right medicine (read, prayers, scripture reading, almsgiving, good works, and absolution). If you faithfully take this medicine as prescribed (read be devoted from deep within the heart), you will be healed!

    The key here is trust. A trust that confesses all, not selectively, but all—in excruciating detail e.g. how many times you committed lesbianism, with how many people etc. and all other sins in scouring detail.

    Tell God’s priest everything. Why? When you go to the doctor with a fever and out of shame don’t say that you have a rash in an embarrassing place, will the medicine he gives you for that fever really work? No, you must be honest with him so that he can give you the right medication. The same applies to confession. Tell the priest everything in order for God, who works through him, to fully heal you. Any information withheld will only hurt you.

    “You will never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins. Confess them and give them up; then God will show mercy to you,” (Proverbs 28: 13)

    Then after confession, resolve not to go back to the sin. Why? If you were treated by the doctor for that rash in your embarrassing place but went back to the guy/lady who gave you the rash, won’t you get sick again, if not worse? In the same, way, don’t go back to a sin after confession.
    “Confess all your sins and determine in future that you will live a righteous life” (Sirach 38: 10)
    After confession, you will get better and Christ will bestow many gifts (graces) upon you to help with the recovery. Ultimately he will bestow the gift par excellence—Himself in the Holy Eucharist.

    Conclusion

    Do not, however, receive Holy Eucharist without confession and absolution. Why? Can a sick bedridden person who is weak eat real food? No, they don’t have energy and need to be put on a drip. If they eat normal food, they don’t have energy to digest it, they get worse and even die. In the same way, Holy Communion is the real food of life that is given when you have recovered your health and are discharged from hospital (absolved from mortal sin) and thus have the energy (state of grace) to receive it (Jesus Christ).

    When you take Holy Communion (real food) when you are in mortal sin/without being in state of grace (weak, sick and bedridden), its Divine Power will overpower you, you won’t be able to digest it due to your lack of grace and will get worse, or even die. (1 Corinthians 11:28-30). This will make God sad and because we love God, let us not make him sad.

    Above all be humble, gentle and simple like our Mother Mary for this is the necessary disposition to attract the Holy Spirit and convert.

    I am DEEPLY SORRY FOR LONG REPLY. I pray that this may be of help to you and that our Mother Mary comfort you and pray for you to Christ our Lord. .

    Meditate on this quote: “How wonderful it is to proclaim to everyone the love of God which saves us and gives meaning to our lives!”~Pope Francis. You will get out of this. Believe it, and you have already received it!

    All glory, honor and worship be to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen.

  10. Lennox Reply

    First and foremost, I commend you for your bravery to accept that there is something hurting in your soul. I hope I can be of help and apologize on behalf of all who may have judged you, as is too often the case when it comes to issues such as homosexuality, extramarital sex, premarital sex, bestiality, incest etc.

    It is true that God greatly hates sexual sin in all its form (Leviticus 18), but it is also true that he loves you so much, more than anything. That is why he sent his only Son, Jesus Christ (John 3:16)—to save you from the pain you are going through!

    The fact that you feel at the deepest depths of your heart that you cannot leave the Catholic Church demonstrates very clearly that God has not abandoned you. He is very active in your life, despite how much you feel you have failed him. Rather than condemn you, God weeps for you and is always trying to put his arms around you just “as a hen gathers her chicks under her wing” (Mt 23:37)

    Therefore, to start with, Jesus has not rejected you “I will never turn away anyone who comes to me.” (John 6: 37). Don’t feel rejected or entertain the Evil One’s whispers. He has led so many astray by deceiving them that “God is too angry to ever forgive this or that”. It is a lie. He forgives ALL sins. His mercy is greater than all sins in the world.
    What is sin? Sin is to go against God’s Law. What is this Law? “Love”: Love God and neighbor (Mt 22: 34-40).

    The question is: Do you love God?

    Before answering this, I pose a saying for you that is always true: “without trust, there is no love.” In fact, trust is the visible expression of love.

    So if you love God, trust him completely. Trust that he can and will take away your sins and inclination toward lesbianism, no matter how people lie to you that it cannot go away and is “inborn”. That is utter nonsense.

    What is hard for God? Nothing! Didn’t he part the Red Sea, didn’t he give Sarah a child, Elizabeth a child, Virgin Mary and the world the Savior? Didn’t he raise his Son from the dead? Nothing is hard for God, nothing.

    Trust him as trust is the only way to prove our love—as was the case with Abraham’s test to sacrifice Isaac (Genesis 22:12).

    Trust that if you admit your sin to God, he will save you from it and not condemn you as the Evil One lies to people. Trust God will send the Holy Spirit to give you courage to refrain from that sin in future, just as He sent the Holy Spirit to the Apostles (Acts 4:31) and made them preach boldly without any fear when there was every logical reason to be afraid .

    Pray, my friend, to the Lord our God to give you this courage and He will.

    With this courage, go to confession with a contrite heart and firm resolve to not only confess everything but not go back to the sin (cohabiting, lesbianism etc.) Believe that this courage from the Holy Spirit will prevent you from slipping back, and it will.

    Courage means accepting all your sins no matter how bad. Don’t rationalize sin: sin is always wrong and God is always right (this is the mindset you should have. Never rationalize wrongdoing as rationalizing implies you somehow know better. And no one knows better than God, no one.).

    When you confess all your ‘diseases, symptoms and weaknesses’ (read, sins), the ‘healer’ (read, God), will instruct his ‘doctor’ (read, priest) to give you the right medicine (read, prayers, scripture reading, almsgiving, good works, and absolution). If you faithfully take this medicine as prescribed (read be devoted from deep within the heart), you will be healed!
    The key here is trust. A trust that confesses all, not selectively, but all—in excruciating detail e.g. how many times you committed lesbianism, with how many people etc. and all other sins in scouring detail.

    Tell God’s priest everything. Why? When you go to the doctor with a fever and out of shame don’t say that you have a rash in an embarrassing place, will the medicine he gives you for that fever really work? No, you must be honest with him so that he can give you the right medication. The same applies to confession. Tell the priest everything in order for God, who works through him, to fully heal you. Any information withheld will only hurt you.
    “You will never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins. Confess them and give them up; then God will show mercy to you,” (Proverbs 28: 13)

    Then after confession, resolve not to go back to the sin. Why? If you were treated by the doctor for that rash in your embarrassing place but went back to the guy/lady who gave you the rash, won’t you get sick again, if not worse? In the same, way, don’t go back to a sin after confession.
    “Confess all your sins and determine in future that you will live a righteous life” (Sirach 38: 10)
    After confession, you will get better and Christ will bestow many gifts (graces) upon you to help with the recovery. Ultimately he will bestow the gift par excellence—Himself in the Holy Eucharist.

    Conclusion

    Always go to Mass. Do not, however, receive Holy Eucharist without confession and absolution. Why? Can a sick bedridden person who is weak eat real food? No, they don’t have energy and need to be put on a drip. If they eat normal food, they don’t have energy to digest it, they get worse and even die. In the same way, Holy Communion is the real food of life that is given when you have recovered your health and are discharged from hospital (absolved from mortal sin) and thus have the energy (state of grace) to receive it (Jesus Christ). When you take Holy Communion (real food) when you are in mortal sin/without being in state of grace (weak, sick and bedridden), its Divine Power will overpower you, you won’t be able to handle it due to your lack of grace and will get worse, or even die. (1 Corinthians 11:28-30). This will make God sad and because we love God, let us not make him sad.

    Above all be humble, gentle and simple like our Mother Mary for this is the necessary disposition to attract the Holy Spirit and convert.

    I am DEEPLY SORRY FOR LONG REPLY. I pray that this may be of help to you and that our Mother Mary comfort you and pray for you to Christ our Lord.

    Meditate on this quote: “How wonderful it is to proclaim to everyone the love of God which saves us and gives meaning to our lives!”~Pope Francis. You will get out of this. Believe it, and you have already received it!

    All glory, honor and worship be to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen.

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