Homosexuality: Is the Church Unfair?

By September 13, 2014 22 Comments

The world tells people who have same-sex attractions that they have two options: They can hide in the closet out of fear, or come out, embrace their sexual identity, and do whatever they wish. One man who had lived a gay lifestyle later remarked, “In retrospect I would have appreciated a cultural alternative to the extremes of either walking around afraid of anyone finding out that I lived with same-sex attractions or defining myself as gay and hitting the party scene.”[2] Such individuals, especially when they come from a Christian upbringing, often feel trapped between these choices. They desire intimacy with God and their families, but they feel as if they’re being asked to deny who they are in order to achieve this. As one man said, “A lot of people in my position feel like religion presents them with a choice between death by damnation or death by desolation.”[3] To make matters more challenging, the media expects everyone to believe that if you can’t have sex with whomever you want, then your freedom has been robbed, you are being judged, and you will never be loved or understood. Sex is equated with love, and because no one should have to live without love, the logical conclusion is that no one should live without sex.
It is true that no person should be asked to live without love. Pope John Paul II remarked, “Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it. This is why Christ the Redeemer ‘fully reveals man to himself.’”[4]  

What Is Love?

Because people should not live without love, what are those who experience homosexual attractions to do? The first step is to turn their hearts to God, inviting him to teach them the meaning of love. None will disagree with the fact that our world has many false notions of love. For some it is a passing attraction. For others it’s a burning lust. For a Christian, it is to live in imitation of Christ, who gave his life as a sacrifice for others. To love is to will the good of another, regardless of the cost. As Mother Teresa said, “Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self.”[5] If two members of the same sex are attracted to and love one another, they will do what is best for each other. They desire union because of their love, but love requires more than a temporary physical and emotional union. Love desires the good of the other. Ultimately, it leads one person to desire heaven for the other. For this reason, those who love should encourage the virtue of chastity in each other.
Despite the modern notion of chastity as a repressive, unnatural, and unhealthy burden, chastity is actually a virtue that frees a person to love with an undivided heart. Because of original sin, every person experiences a battle within his heart between sacrificial love and selfish lust. The function of chastity is to order one’s sexual desires according to the demands of real love. This sometimes requires heroic sacrifices to do what is best for the beloved. But, as Mother Teresa reminds us, “True love causes pain. Jesus, in order to give us the proof of his love, died on the cross. A mother, in order to give birth to her baby, has to suffer. If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices.”[6] No matter what a person’s state in life—married, single, or religious—chastity is demanding. To be chaste, the person who experiences same-sex attractions chooses to forgo sexual activity for the love of God. Although same-sex temptations, like temptations in general, are not sinful in and of themselves, Scripture condemns homosexual actions (Lev. 18:22–30; Rom. 1:26–27; 1 Cor. 6:9; Jude 7). Although the words of Scripture may be difficult to read at times, Saint Augustine reminds us, “If you believe what you like in the gospel, and reject what you don’t like, it is not the gospel you believe, but yourself.”[7] One man added, “There are few better tests for whether or not someone lives a life in submission to God than what he or she does with their sexuality. Sex is such a powerful and meaningful desire that to give it up and obey God in that area is a true sign of worship.”[8]  

Isn’t the Church discriminating against gays?

Because the Catholic Church does not recognize gay marriage, it is often accused of being unfair. However, what is marriage, and who has the authority to define it? If two women are allowed to marry each other lawfully, why can the state legislate against a woman marrying her brother, her cousin, or two men? Who has the right to determine these matters? Who is the ultimate authority? In the eyes of a Christian, marriage is God’s idea. The Church didn’t create marriage and so the Church doesn’t have the right to redesign it.
Those who insist that the Church is discriminating against gays often do not realize that the Church does not allow even heterosexual couples to marry if they are impotent. Not to be confused with sterility (where a couple is able to have intercourse but unable to have kids), impotency is when a person is incapable of having intercourse. Ever since the beginning, the marital act has been an integral part of marriage. In Genesis we read, “A man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).
Two people do not become one flesh simply by engaging in some form of sexual activity. In the case of two members of the same sex, the inability of their bodies to unite in a sexual way expresses the deeper reality that they were not meant to give themselves to each other in marriage.
The modern world proclaims tolerance as the greatest virtue. Therefore, the Catholic Church is often attacked for failing to accept homosexuality. The Church agrees that people with homosexual attractions should be accepted with love, respect, and sensitivity,[9] however it is a false form of compassion to condone homosexual acts. It is unloving to lead people to believe that they can find ultimate fulfillment outside of the will of God. Perhaps the greatest injustice that can be done to those with same-sex attractions is to encourage them to think that pleasing God brings despair and unhappiness. Therefore, Christians are called to not merely tolerate others, but to practice the virtue of charity. Sometimes this means loving others enough to speak the truth, even when it it’s difficult for them to hear—and more popular for Christians to remain silent.
By looking to the examples of unmarried people such as Pope John Paul II, Mother Teresa, and Jesus, a person with same-sex attractions can see that it is possible to give up certain pleasures in this life in order to experience a deeper union with God, now and in the life to come.

What Should I Do?

If you have same-sex attractions, it does not mean that God is unhappy with you or that you are incapable of living a fulfilled life. Deepen your relationship with Christ, and say yes to him no matter what he asks of you. If you are unsure of how to begin, or if you feel intimidated by the idea of changing your entire lifestyle, just take one step toward him. Think of one thing in your life that could be changed for the better. For example, if you’ve been away from the sacraments, come back. Make one change for love of him, and the next one will become clearer.
Realize that living a pure life does not mean living in isolation. Like any person, you need community and authentic friendships with those who bring out the best in you. You are not alone in what you are experiencing, and so you may want to consider learning about the support offered through organizations such as Courage ( and NARTH (
When modern culture labels people as “gay” or “lesbian,” it often results in people identifying themselves based on their sexual desires rather on their true identity as sons or daughters of God. Attractions make up part of who we are, but they are not the sum of our identity. When we love as God loves, we find our true identity.
Sexual purity is not the only expression of love to which God calls you. He has also given you numerous talents that you can use to serve humanity. Use those gifts to build up the kingdom of God. The Catholic Church has canonized saints who have struggled with every sin and temptation imaginable. St. Francis de Sales was prone to anger. St. Pelagia was a harlot. St. Paul was a murderer. St. Margaret of Cortona lived with her boyfriend and became a single mother. Do not think that anything you may have done disqualifies your call to sainthood. In fact, one can reasonably expect that the day is coming when the Catholic Church will canonize some who have struggled with same-sex attractions, and who gave themselves unreservedly to God. Do not be afraid to show the world that such holiness is possible.
“Homosexual persons are called to chastity. . . . by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.”
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2359
“Jesus loves you always, even when you don’t feel worthy. When not accepted by others, even by yourself sometimes, He is the one who always accepts you. Only believe, you are precious to him. Bring all you are suffering to His feet, only open your heart to be loved by Him as you are. He will do the rest.”[1] —Mother Teresa
“After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, and strengthen you.”
1 Peter 5:8–10
[1] Michael Collopy, Works of Love Are Works of Peace (San Francisco: Ignatius, 1996), 197.
[2] David Morrison, as quoted in “Learning to Live Chastely With Same-Sex Attractions,” Arlington, VA, January 9, 2003 (
[3] Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P., “The Courage to Do What Herod Didn’t Do: He Left the Gay Lifestyle for the Church,” This Rock (March 2009), __PAGE_.
By Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.
[4] John Paul II, Redemptor Hominis, 10.
[5] Michael Collopy, Works of Love, 30.
[6] Jose Luis Gonzalez-Balado, ed., Mother Teresa: In My Own Words (New York: Gramercy Books, 1996), 31.
[7] St. Augustine, Sermons 20:2 (inter a.d. 391–430).
[8] Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Boundaries in Dating (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000), 252.
[9] Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2358.


  • Ivan says:

    Church is not discriminating gays people. The church practice what is the bible said. Gays people can have civil wedding or civil arrangement. If gays people want to have church wedding, the doctrine that the church practices is violated it self. Gays people should also respect what the churches belief and ideas. It is just the same paper that is going to be registered. The only difference is that church wedding is being conducted by the priest who will give blessing according to the bible whereas in civil wedding mostly judges mayor etc will conduct marriages which the constitution giving them.

  • Kevin says:

    I am gay but would never want to marry in a Catholic church if I ever did decide to marry which is my right to do so now the law has changed.

  • petra lockwood says:

    I just want to say that I love all my gay friends and family! And if I do I know that God loves them even more!! This is a good article and I hope everyone will read it. What God considers sins are those things that can hurt either ourselves or others. We are all prone to sinning, that's a fact, because we all do things that hurt ourselves or others. We also look for ways to "make it okay" because we don't like feeling guilty about what ever it is we struggle with. We are SOO human, all of us. I don't know what the answers are but I think we first of all need to STOP judging each other and look to all the GOOD in each other. That's really our only job and God will take care of the rest. Pray for whatever your struggle is, with the goal of improving the world for yourself and others.

  • Kat says:

    This article is WONDERFUL…healthy, balanced and totally true to the teachings of the Church. This article is awesome and does an excellent job to teaching the truth while also reminding the reader that the LGBT individual is a beloved child of God. Excellent job…thank you so much! I will bookmark this for future reference.

  • Emeka says:

    Extreme stupidity. See how fools come out in public to say am a gay, I have attraction for same sex. Let even ask, how many animals have you ever seen turn to same sex instead of the opposite? NON..but why should a rational being do that then?

  • James Jones says:

    The BIBLE says cast them out do not let them into your citys,towns and homes for they well bring woe upon you.

  • Lisa K says:

    The same bible you quote to support your position on condemnation if others says 1) Judge not, lest yea be judged (Matthew 7:1-3, 2) Let he ho is without sin cast the first stone ( John 8:7) and 3) how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? (Matthew 7:5). Try a compassionate approach, that was Jesus’s way.

  • greig says:

    I think the gay must devote the life to gods work ,sacrifice them self to gods work, dont think nobody loves u , remember god is aways with u , so go forward and learn god,s word and deliver them to other , tell them there is god to love us for ever.

  • Julia says:

    Thank you so much for posting this. God has truly blessed us with all of you who provide us with answers from the true teachings of the Church. It’s truly saddening to hear what people say about the Catholic Church in regard to it’s “discrimination” toward homosexuals, but here is a wonderful article which brings out the truth of the Church’s teachings and God’s will. I will definitely share this with those who have misunderstood. God bless you all.

  • Wonderfully written piece. It was actually one of the best I have read on this and I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking there are rather…. Varied and numerous posts or articles.
    Having some sex attracted friends who are finally reaching some peace and still part of the Church this reflects a lot of how they view the issue.


  • love says:

    church is not unfair your are unfair of yourself. look, you know that their is two kind of a mankind, a man and a woman but still their is man pretinding to a woman and woman pretending to a man. this is a kind of problem we need to realize what is goin on to us. we have conscience to know what is right or wrong. but still we lead our conscience to be right if it is wrong. church is not discriminating gays actually they discriminating their self.

  • Lorraine t. Keane says:

    I believe this article is a blessing! Love is not just sex! Anyone who engages in sexual acts out of holy matrimony is committing sin!

  • Nina Gossman says:

    This is a very well written article provoking much thought. With one very special gay person a childhood friend, I have mixed thoughts on the issue. He and his partner are old fashioned and will not “marry.” I am afraid for our Church but very emotionally torn.

  • Gopz Tony says:

    Find another word for gays and lesbian because MARRIAGE is between a man and a woman!!!!!

  • Gopz Tony says:

    Find another word for gays and lesbians because MARRIAGE is between a man and a woman!!!!!

  • Maria spano says:

    Love the sinner ,!!!Hate the sin !! We are all sinners because of the original sin ,Jesus say ,if you love mother ,father ,sister ,brother ,son ,husband ,wife not worth of me ,been a lover of Jesus ,take lots of sacrifices, but they are worted,And when come to make a decision ,!!Jesus or my self !! We choose Him , !!! HE HIS RIGHT THERE TO HELP CARRIE OUR CROSS ,,,NO ,CROSS NO CROWN,

  • Repent and receive God now says:

    Marriage always between a man and a woman and its on the scriptures but not man and man and woman and woman not showing on the scriptures. Look at the Genesis 6:3-7 for the fallen angel children [Satan creation]. We pray harder and harder that Almighty God helping and protecting us in our everyday life from what’s on 1 Peter 5:8.

  • Leoli Faulio says:

    This article is excellent and hit the nail on the head when it comes to people criticizing the church of her stance against same sex marriage. Jesus say Go out and multiply. Definitely this will not happen in a same sex marriage. After all we must love one another as our Lord Jesus wants us to.

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