How can we be more accepting of gay people?

Full Question

Most people who are gay feel that they were born that way and cannot change their orientation. They are rejected by society and faith communities. How can we be more like Jesus and accept those who are rejected?


Accepting sinful behavior in other people does them no good. Pointing out the sinfulness is not rejecting them: It’s rejecting what is evil. We owe each other the truth. Because some people with same-sex attractions feel that they were born with such inclination doesn’t make it so. There is no proof for such an assumption. Such people assume they are born homosexual because they can’t remember ever feeling any other way. What we do know is that for whatever reason these people have not identified with the parent of their sex. The prevailing spin that our culture puts on this dynamic is that the culture must adapt to the needs these people perceive they have—to live as though the behavior that such feelings suggest is good and ought to be the norm for them. Our culture insists that everyone has a right to sexual gratification. Never mind about context; let pleasure be the guide. The greatest fallacy in such a proposition is that if anyone suggests otherwise, he is passing judgment and rejecting such people outright—as when you ask how we can be more like Jesus and accept those who are rejected. Jesus never accepted sinful behavior. He did accept sinners who were repentant, and he always loved them—even in their most sinful moments. What is the context in which Jesus matters to us? What is the most important fact that we know about Jesus in relation to us? It is Good Friday! Good Friday is not only the day on which God revealed more about himself than at any other time in the history of creation, it is also our context as followers of Jesus. It is on the cross that Jesus shows us how to live. It is there that he shows us what constitutes love: sacrifice. “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Mark 8:34). That God would love his creatures enough to become one of them and then suffer and die for them is beyond our ability to comprehend fully. Yet to the degree that we can appreciate what it is to suffer, we can appreciate such love. Each of us is given the opportunity for gaining such appreciation through the crosses that he allows us to have. Many different crosses prevent people from engaging in normal married life and therefore, genital pleasure. Homosexuality is only one of these. Only when we look at our human situation in its proper context, the context of Good Friday, can we recognize our place in it. Only through accepting the cross of same-sex attraction and offering it up in response to his self-gift will such a person know the full embrace of his nail-scarred hands. It is when we accept the cross in our lives and encourage others to carry theirs that we are more like Jesus—not when we water down his expectations of us!


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  1. We should not judge! I have gay friends who are so dedicated in service and very devoted as catholics. I now also a priest who is gay. But I do respect him being him. We can never judge that their behavior or feelings are not normal or wrong if we are not on their shoes. What is actually “normal”, people who pretend they love God yet judge His creation? Or those who just try to live a life and love God trully? God bless us all!

    • I’s not about being a Judge Julie. Everyone I know is a sinner, as am I. I may or may not point out a persons sin to them, as they might with me. We all have our Cross, all have that sin we struggle against, fall and beg our Lords forgiveness and try again. Do I tell someone who commits a sin, struggles daily with some cross that they carry, that it’s ok to do that sin, it’s how you are, No, does that mean I care for them less, No, Do I beat them up laugh at them or try to make others hate them etc, No, but neither will I assist them in their sin or in any way say or do something that says that sin is ok, because sin is not ok and should never be supported, only the person should be supported, to deal with the sins they struggle with. Homosexuality is a hard cross, but there are many more, pride, or addiction/idolatry for example are real doozies. Forgive us Our sins as We forgive others, He who is without sin cast the first stone are all teachings we should be trying to follow, but they in no way suggest we should decide that a sin is not a sin because it is hard for someone to live with

    • I am not Catholic, yet. I will start Catechism soon. I am a 53 yr old gay man. I love Christ and His Church. For MANY years, I denied who and what I am. I must be talking to a liberal priest, cause he says my sexuality is between and God. Nothing that anyone else can judge. If, we showed Christ-like love I am sure many more homosexuals would feel freer to experience God and His unconditional love!

      • Welcome, “The Community”, into the Church! I am glad you are joining us. After years of struggling with p**********, it would be wrong to call myself a “Pornographer”. I am a son of God. No sin I have ever committed defines me. No struggle of disordered passions makes me something other than what I am. I am a Son of God. All children of God, precisely as that, should experience the Christ-like love that God has for them. You are not a gay man. You are a man, a Son of God (if you are baptized). That is awesome! That is powerful!
        “Jesus came not to condemn the world but that the world might have life through him.” (Jn. 3:17) As Jesus told the woman caught in adultery, “Neither do I judge you…Now go and sin no more.” Jesus came to love everyone not to condemn them. If we accept his love and also sin no more He will stay with us. But it is for us to choose whether or not to open our lives to a God who wants to take all the disorder in us away. (Rev. 3:20) I certainly hope you find God’s love amidst your brokenness, as I have repeatedly found in my life.

        • Hello Goobster! Unfortunately I’ve not gandered at WP for a long time now. Which means of course that I’ve not seen your response. I am grateful in some odd way for my broken parts of myself! It makes me grapple with questions and pain, which directs me down the cobble stones of my path. Religion is a very intimate and personal topic. I was directed away from becoming Catholic. I won’t explain why because the reasons are personal. And the subject is between me and my Divine Creator. I imagine this moment is a very important one for you…the visitation of the pontiff! I wish you well in your journey through this part of your Eternity! And I’ll be following you here on this site.?

    • If a Catholic priest is gay, then he shouldn’t administer the Holy Eucharist cos he’s fornicator and a Catholic priest isn’t suppose to live in sexual immorality. I have no issues with anybody’s sexual preference but forcing the society or the church to accept it as a good and proper way of life is abuse and degrading of morality. LGBT community is becoming a societal bully and pressure group in their approach. Before God and the Church, homosexuality, fornication and adultery are sexual immoralities which are sinful acts God and the Church hate but doesn’t hate the homosexual, fornicator and adulterer. Instead God and the Church love them, preach and pray for them to come to repentance.

    • I shouldn’t have to know your personal proclivity toward any sin. Once you choose to make it public and try to force me to accept your unapologetic public willingness to live a depraved life, it is my duty and responsibility to respond. “Gay” is a POLITICAL term. It means someone who is living, propagating and promoting an active homosexual lifestyle. I cannot and will not be supportive and “accepting” of a “gay” lifestyle. If you love someone, how can you be supportive of a lifestyle that is, statistically, so personally self destructive? Someone who describes themselves as “same sex attracted”? That’s another story. Being same sex attracted in no way implies an active unapologetic homosexual lifestyle as does the term “gay”. Words mean things and so do the actions they imply.

  2. Animals don’t do same sex so why should a human with the power to rationalise or think want to engage in such despicable abnormality? Homosexuality has been identified even in the scriptures as sin. Therefore, it is not judgement to clearly let those indulging in such acts that they are heading the wrong way.

    • Homosexuality in the Bible is not used the same as we use the word today. Many passages apply to “straight” men being untrue to themselves. The word homosexuality we use today began in the late 1800’s when we knew more about sexuality. And, we’re still learning all these years later. Isn’t it wonderful?

    • Actually animals do. Not all and it is not common but it does happen. A stronger argument I use is that it is, generally, very physically harmful to use anything in a way or for a purpose in which it was not designed. Would you use your car for a trampoline? Would you use your teeth to open a beer bottle or a can? This is graphic but the devil is always in the detail, but I wanted to warn you. A woman’s v***** is designed to handle ejaculate. It, under normal circumstances, is lined with a mucous barrier that serves several purposes. It prevents the individual sperm from penetrating the vaginal wall and provides a ph appropriate accommodating channel for the sperm to find the egg. especially so during the woman’s fertile period. The colon, the mouth and esophagus have no such protections, for themselves or for the sperm. Sperm only have one mission. To penetrate and fertilize. They have no thought as to what they penetrate, so, literally thousands of sperm penetrate every nook and cranny they can find and then they die in the harsh environment. A mouth and or a rectum become fields of death and decay. This is why mouth, esophagus and rectal cancers are soaring in both the gay community and the p*** industry. This is an unpleasant to describe or think about but sometimes the harsh reality needs to be exposed. .

  3. People who live in glass houses should not throw stones and as the bible points out “he who is without sin cast the first stone”. DO NOT JUDGE!!!! No I am not gay, just being honest

    • Jesus then says, “Go and sin no more”. He judges the woman’s actions, but not the woman. He calls her actions sinful. Yet, he does not call her a sin. He sees instead, his daughter. He loves her and sees her as more than the sum of her sins.

  4. The first who dont sin first cast the stone…
    As jesus noted… blessed are those prostitutes and dinner for they repent truly.
    What is the difference between the male and female to gay who do sins.
    No man never committed sins.. so dont be judgemental for you in the end of time will also be judge.

  5. Julie, you are mistaken – homosexual activity is objectively wrong, and the homosexual inclination, while not of itself sinful, can easily lead one into sin; such inclination is objectively disordered. This does not mean that the person is “bad,” but that they, like the rest of us, have a tendency toward sin. We do not judge God’s creation; an inclination toward sin comes not from God, but from our wounded nature, and a homosexual inclination is one way that this wound expresses itself in some people.
    We love the sinner while hating the sin, and we don’t excuse or overlook the sin just because we love the sinner. If we did, and let the sinner continue his objectively wrong actions, what kind of guilt are WE incurring for ourselves?

  6. It’s not our place to judge our brothers or sisters, I am not gay, but I do have friends who is gay, I respect them all, I love all people just as God says . It’s up to God to judge, not us. We all know the law God handed down to Moses, the Ten Commandments , obey them ,God says. We cannot question God, God created us all, everything, created by God. If anyone does wrong , God is there judge. Like I stated earlier, I have friends who is gay, I respect them . We are friends, if they do wrong, that’s between them and God. I pray for all people that we all will follow God’s commandments and do what Jesus ask’s us to do. What you do, is you, what I do, is me. I have friends who is gay, I have friends who stole, I have friends who gets angry, I have friends who sin, just as I do, I do not judge them,God does. Is it wrong to be gay, that’s between you and God. I hope I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings, that’s not my intentions, I love you all. I didn’t make the laws, God did. Is it wrong to be gay ? I do not know, but if God says it’s all right, then so be it, if he says it’s wrong, then, it’s wrong. We cannot question God, just follow His laws if you want to see the glory and Kingdon of God. Amen

  7. This article describes homosexuality as nothing more than genital pleasure which is absolutely ridiculous. When are people going to get a clue and get it right. Sin is a choice in behavior, and as sexual orientation is innate and unchangeable, homosexuality cannot possibly be a sin.

  8. I am gay and always been gay. I’m a devoted catholic, actively involved in my parish and diocess. I pray my rosary daily, attend mass, leader of the parish youth forum, work closely with my priest and pastoral counsil, the christian community, visit the sick involved with St. Vincent society to help the needy. I’m not perfect but I know that God loves me and for the reason that I wake up each morning I know that he is not done with me I need to keep carrying on serving hhim

  9. So if proof comes to light that one IS born that way, does that mean it will change the acceptance of gay people? Also, homosexual that does exist in the animal kingdom. Gay people don’t spend their life having sex!!! It involves more than a sexual relationship, but most people don’t and won’t understand that. All they think about is the act.

  10. It’s not so much as homosexual people wanting to be accepted. They want their actions to be accepted. How many people think of that, that they want their actions to be accepted? People are so identifiable pretty much all the time. They identify with their sexuality, their hormones, their actions, their emotions, their moods and their attitudes and what and how they speak. If a person identifies with their sexuality, that becomes based and concrete. It becomes it’s own mind within the person and then you’ll have two minds in one in which, as people say, they want to have rights as being gay. All people have the right to be human, to be alive and in an economical and political way, have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Gay people say they want gay rights. You can’t change what is a part of you, but you can change your actions for the better, to be holy, pure and chaste or to be the opposite. What we all choose will either be for the bad or for the good.

  11. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11
    Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God

  12. My take on this is so simple as God has made it simple!! We are given a thorn,not to defeat us but to make us stronger and to fight the demon thorn with His Grace and only with His Grace can we conquer this! To give in and tell yourselves that we are to live the sin instead of letting it strengthen us is not God’s intentions!!!

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Written by Raphael Benedict

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