Answer:

By this i take it you’re referring to the merit and therefore the morality of pre-marital sex. If it is okay to have sex with someone before marrying them to be sure you’re sexually compatible right? And if one can justify it morally based on the perceived merit of compatibility test.

It is true that many people believe it is really important to have sex with a prospective marital partner to be sure they work together but I do not think there’s any merit to this since sex isn’t the primary source of marital love but only an expression of it. If an entire relationship is built on sex, what happens when or if the couple is separated? Or one is too sick to have intercourse, does the love die then?

Any form of regular physical contact brings a couple together – hand-holding, hugs, cuddling etc but ultimately sexual intercourse. However, the latter part isn’t supposed to be the pivotal part of a married couple’s life and testing sexual compatibility can actually deter the test for true compatibility. As such, the quest to discover whether one would “enjoy” sex with someone can blind them from many other dangerous signals they should watch out for in a potential partner. In our previous discussion we mentioned how discerning compatibility can be ruined by the prejudice ensuing from the closeness caused by sexual engagement. This is the goal of sex, to unite a couple and to procreate. The unitive part has the power to blind the couple from each other’s flaws: whilst this is good in marriage it can be dangerous outside of marriage since one should see as clearly as they can before tieing the unbreakable knot of sacramental union.

So, if you really love someone and you both are compatible in every other way, you care for each other deeply, have a lot in common and find each other very attractive and most importantly are honest with each other, I do not see any possibility of a bad sexual experience during marriage insofar as both parties aren’t into any unusual sexual practise or have some anatomical anomalies. So, there’s no special merit to premarital sex.

Intercourse becomes more pleasant and beautiful because of the deep love, respect and affection already shared, because both parties are deeply in love and because both trust each other to the point of absolute vulnerability. Sex won’t confer this love but can only deepen it, so expressing this love sexually can be dangerous outside of marriage but in marriage will help the couple bind themselves more and more spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Quick solution

If you need to know if you’re sexually compatible, talk about it then. To be sure the other person isn’t into anything unusual or doesn’t have any anatomical problems in order to avoid any surprises. This is a very delicate area so keep the conversation very clean and serious to avoid sexual fantasies that can make the parties impatient and succumb to temptation.

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