This is a simple write-up i posted on my Facebook timeline (here) a while back, sharing because i think it'll be good for some. Please don't judge me too harshly, just airing my views. :)

We sometimes wonder why people change after marriage. In some cases the man changes and suddenly becomes cold, in other cases the woman becomes cold and distant, becomes disrespectful etc.
Another change that marriage is apt to bring isn’t so much a change as an awakening to certain harsh realities. The man begins to notice his wife isn’t really friendly with her toothbrush, isn’t really excited about the idea of taking a bath, or of washing her hair/night wear, or vice versa (I.e. or the woman sees these in the man). The woman knew her husband has a thing for bottles (before they were married) but now begins to be uncomfortable with having him reek off beer and smoke in bed, she notices the man snores, and is a real Jackie Chan in his dreams, kicking her out of the bed…
If those two have the same problems, well, I believe they’ll have a happy home, with conflicting mouth and body odours fighting for supremacy. But if only one is left to suffer the stench, this could have a strong and life-changing effect on their perception of the other. The man can no longer find the clean woman he fell in love with. And the woman has lost the slick, smooth man she fell for.
Now, God in his infinite mercy gives us gifts that really help before and during this mess.
Foresight and fortitude: before they get married, couples who aren’t yet busy blurring their vision by premarital sex are able to perceive this problem and can either remedy it (for temporal habits like mouth washing and bathing) or run away (for deep-seated problems like pride, and selfishness). Many actually are able to catch glimpses. However for some reason they refuse to act fast. These people deceive themselves with one of these two most popular foolish phrases ” he/she will change” and “my case will be different”. They keep telling themselves that even though they lick a truckload of ice cream they can’t get fat, “my case will be different”, the extra pounds later prove them wrong and leaves them depressed. Yet for some reason they refuse to acknowledge to truth to anyone. They refuse to tell even their close friends that their fiancée has big problems and that they need advice. Especially women, who would lie to their friends, talking big about their man just so they could be branded “the happening babe in town”.. what they don’t tell you is how much tears they shed at night, even when they still have time, they do nothing. Your fiance hits you, cheats, drinks a whole lot. But because he’s got a few bucks he’s okay and “will change” when you’re married, or because she’s pretty, you’re scared you may never find anyone as pretty. Worse still you’ve slept with him a zillion times and your sense of judgement is impaired. God gives us grace to break away from such relationships while there’s yet time. Whether you’ll respond to that grace is totally up to you. If you ask me, no one deserves to be unhappy “till death do them part”. We all deserve to be happy for the rest of our lives, to live with men and women who respect us as Persons, as children of God who treat us with respect and reverence, and who reciprocate our love and generosity. To my mind, my personal happiness is just too important to throw away because of some sick, silly twisted love. Jesus said you should love “as you love yourself” but clearly throwing away your happiness isn’t exactly a sign of healthy self love. I must love myself to a healthy degree in order to be able to pour my heart on others, on the whole earth for God’s sake. Therefore, I’d rather stay single than get married to a woman who’d keep me miserable for the rest of my life. Marriage isn’t a do or die affair, don’t be in a haste, don’t be desperate. Everyone mustn’t be married to be happy, but everyone must be happy to really be into a marriage. Call me a fool, but am way better waking up strong and happy alone than waking in a woman’s embrace who in few minutes will make my life a living hell.
Be wise, open your eyes and see, only God gives real happiness, do not offend him trying to snatch it from nature, it bounces back with a deadly blow !
Written by GabrielMary Ken Alimba

9 Comments

  • maofenza says:

    I personally feel that people dont change after marriage, the same woman who doesnt take pride in keeping her house clean, who is all about looking good in the outside and cant stand the kitchen, but lives on take away is really the same woman that you decide to marry with the ‘hope’ that they will change after marriage? i always say if anything the person would change for the worse..and i really believe that we like the idea of ‘giving’ ourselves partners and leaving God out of it, i for one have met countless guys and would see the warning signs right from the onset but would just get on with it anyway, see i thought i knew best and well all of them didnt work out the way i wanted. Till i learnt to introduce every man i meet to God and ask the Holy Spirit to guide me and He does, God will show u that ‘no my child, not Him’ and you will let it go, knowing that our Father wants whats best for us.Premarital sex blinds people into thinking they are in love, take sex out of it and you will really know the intentions people in your life, male and female.
    Trust in God s timing and never give in to what you dont believe in, i will never compromise my relationship with God for another man..

  • Allan Acuna says:

    I’ve been married for 18 years and my husband died last March in heart attack. We married young right after we graduate college. I’d rather say we are not ready yet and compromised our bright futures in our careers. Our relationship as husband and wife is not perfect. We fight, we argue, we hurt each other feelings but in the end we talk, we say sorry and forgive each other. Problems come and go to our family but we stay strong and stronger. You know why, because we put Lord Jesus Christ at the center of our relationship. And now my husband is gone, I stay firm for I believe Jesus will never leave me.

  • Natalie says:

    Greetings! First of all, I would like to say that marriage is not for everyone. But, for many of us, it is in our nature to seek a mate. What many people do not realize, is that relationships are WORK. No, you will not always agree with your mate on every little thing, and yes, there will be some obstacles that you both must face. We must remember that when we marry, we vow to stand beside our mate through every type of season, be it harsh or fair weather. The problem begins with not relying on God to bring you both through your tribulations. The most important thing God has taught me is to rely on Him, if there is anything honorable, that allows me to follow his law and will, He will give me the means to do it. When we take those marriage vows, God takes them very seriously, therefore, we should as well. Yes, your mate has flaws, as you have flaws, no human who walks this earth is perfect. When you sense trouble in your marriage, ASK FOR GOD’S HELP, believe in Him, He will show you the way. Marriage is a wonderful thing, built on love. We must remember that true, real love is unconditional. This means that if your mate has flaws, you accept them and love him or her anyways. that is true love, that is what God wants, for us to love others unconditionally, just as He loves us unconditionally. It makes me so sad to see so many people just give up on their marriages because they do not want to put in the effort to make them work. Some tips: First and foremost, RELY ON GOD. Second: Never let the sun go down on your anger (whether it be with your spouse or anyone that you know). Third: Avoid prideful power struggles, live in harmony together.

  • Georgiano george pacadar gaditano says:

    Marriage is a solemn affair between a man and a woman.If your marriage is a failure, it is because you also failed to choose the right partner to your lifelong journey.And I still believe that a successful marriage is somewhat choosing the right partner in life. That’s is you see to it for hundred times that you are compatible with each other. Do you believe in compatibility of names and surnames. Somewhat unbelievable, but that is really the nature of life. I meant the natural occurrences of life though unbelievable.

  • jerome says:

    Very educating for intending couples be wise.

  • fina says:

    When my husband cheated on me I started to change realizing that he didn’t love me so much. I wish I will find true love at least before I left on this earth. Someone who will not just tell but feel me that I am the only love of his life.

  • Being patient about marriage is the only key for right marriage. Be good to your wife be good to your husband makes you very good and happy.

  • Ellen says:

    Some very insightful points, like how couples blur reality with pre-marital sex as well as marry people with active addictive behaviors.

    The most important constant, which is within full control of the couple to choose, is the daily commitment to grow in virtue together as per their vocation. With this, they can pursue much joy and avoid much heartache. If someone expects that they are in marriage to perfect their vices and weaknesses, well, the whole hygiene thing is a non-issue. It is simply a matter of a respectful request; compliance is seen as a personal responsibility to seek to love better.

    But, how do we prepare for marriage today? Sleeping together, living together, planning the party…the very opposite of sacrifice, meaning, and building a foundation of faith and service. I can’t figure out why anyone is so surprised at how many unhappy marriages there are, not to mention the divorce rate.

    Marriage is about entering into something bigger than we. If we don’t figure it out and prepare it/live it on the terms of the Creator who made it, it’s all just a guessing game if we’ll make it or not.

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