This is a simple write-up i posted on my Facebook timeline (here) a while back, sharing because i think it'll be good for some. Please don't judge me too harshly, just airing my views. :)
We sometimes wonder why people change after marriage. In some cases the man changes and suddenly becomes cold, in other cases the woman becomes cold and distant, becomes disrespectful etc.
Another change that marriage is apt to bring isn’t so much a change as an awakening to certain harsh realities. The man begins to notice his wife isn’t really friendly with her toothbrush, isn’t really excited about the idea of taking a bath, or of washing her hair/night wear, or vice versa (I.e. or the woman sees these in the man). The woman knew her husband has a thing for bottles (before they were married) but now begins to be uncomfortable with having him reek off beer and smoke in bed, she notices the man snores, and is a real Jackie Chan in his dreams, kicking her out of the bed…
If those two have the same problems, well, I believe they’ll have a happy home, with conflicting mouth and body odours fighting for supremacy. But if only one is left to suffer the stench, this could have a strong and life-changing effect on their perception of the other. The man can no longer find the clean woman he fell in love with. And the woman has lost the slick, smooth man she fell for.
Now, God in his infinite mercy gives us gifts that really help before and during this mess.
Foresight and fortitude: before they get married, couples who aren’t yet busy blurring their vision by premarital sex are able to perceive this problem and can either remedy it (for temporal habits like mouth washing and bathing) or run away (for deep-seated problems like pride, and selfishness). Many actually are able to catch glimpses. However for some reason they refuse to act fast. These people deceive themselves with one of these two most popular foolish phrases ” he/she will change” and “my case will be different”. They keep telling themselves that even though they lick a truckload of ice cream they can’t get fat, “my case will be different”, the extra pounds later prove them wrong and leaves them depressed. Yet for some reason they refuse to acknowledge to truth to anyone. They refuse to tell even their close friends that their fiancée has big problems and that they need advice. Especially women, who would lie to their friends, talking big about their man just so they could be branded “the happening babe in town”.. what they don’t tell you is how much tears they shed at night, even when they still have time, they do nothing. Your fiance hits you, cheats, drinks a whole lot. But because he’s got a few bucks he’s okay and “will change” when you’re married, or because she’s pretty, you’re scared you may never find anyone as pretty. Worse still you’ve slept with him a zillion times and your sense of judgement is impaired. God gives us grace to break away from such relationships while there’s yet time. Whether you’ll respond to that grace is totally up to you. If you ask me, no one deserves to be unhappy “till death do them part”. We all deserve to be happy for the rest of our lives, to live with men and women who respect us as Persons, as children of God who treat us with respect and reverence, and who reciprocate our love and generosity. To my mind, my personal happiness is just too important to throw away because of some sick, silly twisted love. Jesus said you should love “as you love yourself” but clearly throwing away your happiness isn’t exactly a sign of healthy self love. I must love myself to a healthy degree in order to be able to pour my heart on others, on the whole earth for God’s sake. Therefore, I’d rather stay single than get married to a woman who’d keep me miserable for the rest of my life. Marriage isn’t a do or die affair, don’t be in a haste, don’t be desperate. Everyone mustn’t be married to be happy, but everyone must be happy to really be into a marriage. Call me a fool, but am way better waking up strong and happy alone than waking in a woman’s embrace who in few minutes will make my life a living hell.
Be wise, open your eyes and see, only God gives real happiness, do not offend him trying to snatch it from nature, it bounces back with a deadly blow !
Written by GabrielMary Ken Alimba