Should I leave the Church because of my homosexuality?

By November 6, 2014 28 Comments

Full Question

I am a homosexual. I am also a Catholic who loves my religion but feels that it is against me. Should I abandon my Catholic beliefs, since I will never be accepted within the Church?


First of all “homosexual” is not your identity. You are a Catholic who has same-sex attractions, and your Church is not “against” you.
Like every other human being, you have been blessed with existence not because you deserve it but because God in his generosity has given it to you. It is such a basic gift that most of us ordinarily don’t even think of it as such. If God wanted to take it back, he would not have to do anything; he would have to stop doing something. It’s a gift that he keeps giving, without which we would simply cease to exist. There is no way that we could ever pay him for this.
So from the start, we owe. Besides life itself, we all have many other gifts. Some of us can paint portraits or play the piano. None of us has every gift. Some of the greatest gifts God gives us are the individual crosses that he places in our lives that offer us the opportunity to grow in our love for him.
Dear friend, you have a special place in the Church. The world does not understand this. It speaks as if Good Friday never happened. But by the gift of faith that you do have, you know that almighty God chose to favor you with the gift of himself in a unique way. Selfless love is not easy for us, but he is so worth it! I suggest that you check out Courage (www.couragerc.net) and this web site on reparative therapy (www.narth.com) should this cross of yours be for only a temporary period of time.


  • ken says:


  • Comfort says:

    Repent!!! Of your sin as God is against homosexuality and He is not a ‘respecter’ of any man. As that can lead you into eternal damnation in hell. The priests and pope can ask you to come to church but what matters most is what God requires of you which is to live a holy life free of sin and immortality. Your body is the temple of God. His teaching is against same-sex. Thank you.

    • Can you explain why He then creates people who are only attracted to people of the same gender as themselves? Honestly, this is a question. I have friends who are gay… this was not a choice for them. Their lives would have been much easier in so many ways if they had been able to feel an attraction to members of the opposite sex. One could have married, been in a loving relationship for many decades at this point. His love of God and desire to do God’s will has created a full, yet lonely life. He is dedicated to his Church and very involved in choir and with their youth group…. but he goes home to an empty house.

  • Jay Burgherr says:

    We love you just as any other who come to Mass. We all have sin and deplore our sinful nature and ask the Lord to forgive us. We must make sure that we don’t attempt to promote our own sin as being “right” or “good”. The act of homosexuality disordered and sinful. One cannot condone or promote this as a normal, acceptable “lifestyle” and remain a Catholic in good conscience. If one comes to Christ with same sex attraction and sees it as a cross to be overcome, then this is the type of contrite heart we all should approach Christ.

  • Barthlomeus says:

    God deside about this, not we human beings. But my upion; God is Love, so no fear for Love

    • MarMay says:

      Barthlomeus, do not confuse “love” with “lust”, which is one of the seven deadly sins!

    • emily ward says:

      As Catholics, as Christians, we have to be very careful, not to judge others. as we have, all of us sinned in some way, and it is God who is the judge.
      God has set us rules to live by, sexual activity of any kind, outside of marriage, is sinful according to the bible, yet how many heterosexuals can claim to be free of this sin. There are many, I agree, who use homosexuality to promote acts that are clearly sinful and abusive, however, speaking from a medical point of view, there are actually people born, called hermaphrodites that are neither man nor woman, so where do they stand in this? And there are boys that have tendencies towards the love of other boys, this does not necessarily mean sexual acts, and what of the old term “my buddy” Men can form strong loving attachments to a friend that can endure a lifetime without them having sinned. It can be the same for women, who have a very close friend, where no sex is involved. Partners, are not always sinfully matched There are even men and women who desperately love each other , yet through some circumstance, are unable to be together. or to ever have a sexual relationship. It can not be wrong to love, it is only the acts that we should turn away from, not who we are. And even the acts may not be that easy for some to give up, and this is between them and God, only. We all have something to put right in our lives, which God will be guiding us about, if we put our lives in his hands, but again, it is between the individual and God. Yet how can anyone be able to come to God in a Church, unless he or she is made to feel welcome, and not looked at through a microscope like a bug, When you stop and think about it, no matter what you do, you will be judged by man, whether you are a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, whether you are in fashion , decadent, or way out there, what you do for a living, or what you don’t do, You will be criticised and judged for your abilities, and your disabilities, none of which we should do. If we try to live a good decent life, following God’s ways to the best of our abilities, and extend a welcome to others who have not maybe found the right way, who’s to say that this may turn their life around for them, so that God will be able to show them the best ways to enjoy free will.

  • yessi says:

    You dont have to leave your beliefs nor The Church. The church is different now. Pope Francis has taught us to love EVERYBODY and respect EVERYBODY know that we love you and your homosexuality is a sin sure but its just any other sin we commit. Our duty is to repent from sin and tey to not do it again. That applies to all sins. I want you know that God loves us. He doesnt hate us for sinning he hates the sin. Dont leave or deny your beliefs. Be Catholic!

  • Stay away from courage. If you hate yourself now you will want to hang yourself after. I went once and it was just awful. Know one thing God loves you just as you are. Yes you are homosexual and what about it. If you love God he will help you. What helped me was to stay close to the sacraments and go to the Blessed Sacrament and sit for a while and just tell Jesus what’s on your mind. You will hear nothing then, but wait, keep going and then something peaceful and beautiful will happen. You will begin to accept yourself and love the presence of God with such peace nothing else matters. Don’t listen to self righteous church heads and even some clergy. Stay close to the sacraments and let Jesus and Mary guide you. If you can, say the rosary. It is hard at first but after a while it becomes a beautiful meditation where you talk to Mary as if she is in front of you and she will take care of you and comfort you in ways you will surprised to know.

    • Doug. Cooper says:

      I am a heterosexual and I agree with the above reply. I have a family member who is gay he told me he goes to mass I am encouraging him to do so. We have no right to judge or criticize others. That is not love. I like how you said let Jesus and Mary guide you. that’s the key.

      • Wanda says:

        You can go to mass as many times as you want to. But it is advised that you never partake of the body and blood of Jesus Christ unless you are in a state of grace. It is a mortal sin to have sex and receive holy Communion, unless you are a married couple (man/woman). Remember your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and it is a sacrilege to desecrate that temple. You are killing your soul if you do partake. It is best to go to the blessed sacrament and pray to the Lord, place everything before him and he will guide you through your cross. The very fact that your conscience is bothering you means that the Spirit of God is letting you know that it is wrong.

      • Rob Schrader says:

        Thank you very much for your comment Doug.

    • emily ward says:

      Pats I loved reading your comments, beautifully put, and I agree. God Bless you

    • Rob Schrader says:

      Beautifully said Pats …

  • Kevin Swann says:

    That was well said. I don’t know why there is so much trouble on this subject. As long as two people love each other, that is what matters. We hear the arguments about reproduction, well, I was adopted as my parents were not blessed with children of their own, my wife and I were not bless with children. As already stated “let Jesus and Mary guide you”.

  • BKA says:

    I think when a brother / sister in Christ find themselves in quandry, we should rather pray for them instead of judging them. God is our judge. Non of us is perfect

  • Kelly says:

    I would qualify this as saying that God does not hate anyone, and ideally, neither does the institution of the Church, but we, as the body of the Church (and even the institution of the Church), are capable of and have propagated hate toward homosexual individuals.
    As a devout Catholic, who has a homosexual sibling, I struggle mightily with these issues. We are ALL made in God’s image and we are called to love our neighbours as ourselves . . . as well as to hate the sin and not the sinner. However, parts of this article are so terribly Un-Christian, misguided, unloving, and judgemental by endorsing junk science and ridiculous methodology of “reparative therapy” (through the National Association of Research and Therapy of Homosexuality – NARTH). If people believe that “reparative therapy” works, I would encourage them to take up careers as alchemists, because the science is just as sound. Endorsement of organizations such as NARTH are insulting to homosexuals, as well as heterosexuals who understand that homosexuality is NOT a choice and NO amount of “reparative therapy” is going to cash he that! This makes about as much sense as my buddies during my teenage years suggesting I just beat my brother up to “beat the gay out of him.” I will echo a vital piece of advice from the Washington Post’s “Ask Amy” column, and propose that naive heterosexuals teach homosexuals an important lesson and change their own sexuality to show homosexuals just how easy it is to change, and further demonstrate that a person’s sexuality is a matter of choice.
    Organizations like NARTH and articles such as the one posted here do little to convince homosexual Catholics (or any Christian Church) that they have a place of equality, respect, love, and acceptance in our places of worship. If anything, it drives them further away and back “into the closet”, because they realize that not only are they misunderstood by many heterosexuals out there, but that the attitudes toward them and toward “changing” their sexuality are hurtful to them as people, illustrating a lack of empathy, a lack of acceptance of their whole person, and a judgemental attitude, as well as having the potential to be harmful and even dangerous.
    As I stated previously, because of my faith, I struggle with this issue regularly, but the love I have for my sibling is unconditional, as is my acceptance of his whole person, which means that I won’t be trying to convince him to “change his mind” or “seek therapy” about his “choice” to be gay. That would be ignorant of me.

  • Kelly says:

    Edit to my second paragraph: “. . . and NO amount of “reparative therapy” is going to change that!”

  • Ben says:

    Ken its good you have realized from inner you what you require is an inner healing retreat and surrender all these at the foot of Jesus for he died for our sins he love us equally he does not fovour one seek guidance and cancelling from priest ,ask for readings, pray rosary for our Mather marry is so faithful she will not abandon you at the any hour till our death revealed by his love he did not his son till he was buried he was with him accord him the most high respect and last what you need is Holy spirit to order you footsteps for he is God i will not leave alone i will give holy spirit to stay with you Amen

  • Rob Schrader says:

    My name is Rob Schrader and I am a cradle Catholic who just happens to be gay. I was in a 26 year relationship when my partner John passed away July 13th 2012 from idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. I tried the courage meetings and I too would discourage them because I was condemned from the moment I walked in the door. The fact that I am gay I feel is not the main issue. I have joined the Angelic Warfare Confraternity through the Dominicans and with the help of that group and St. Thomas Aquinas, they will help me in living a pure, holy and chaste life. We are all called to be holy men and women of Christ. All of this judging needs to stop. We need to be here to help our brothers and sisters live the very best life they can according to Scripture and church teaching. As the Holy Father, Pope Francis has told us we MUST first and foremost love one another. God Bless!

  • Paul also says ” Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do
    not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor
    practicing homosexuals nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor
    robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

  • Dee says:

    If you feel that you are being judged by your church for your sin, then you are at the wrong church. It is not up to us to judge people, that is up to God. The Bible says that all sin is equal, so homosexuality is no different than allowing your anger to get the best of you, or lying to someone. Sin is sin. We all sin. None of us are perfect. Your church should love you just as you are, and leave the rest up to God. That being said, you are also in the wrong church if they fail to name sin for what it is. When a church starts omitting parts of the Bible, thereby changing what it says, then it is a dangerous place to study God’s Word. It is supposed to make us uncomfortable, for that is how God changes the heart and grows us in our faith, making us more like Jesus each day. Jesus loves you, and so should your brothers and sisters in Christ.

  • Augusto says:

    I have a strong tendency to have same-sex attraction, and indeed, I love a person of the same sex. Although several situations would somehow “permit” me to have sex with persons of the same sex, I never did , and I myself would find ways not to avoid it. It’s plainly because, I am afraid of eternal damnation, and I don’t want to add another hurt feelings to God.
    I just pray to God how mighty and kind he is for keeping me as His adopted son. He is always good. I am a homosexual, but I never had sex with anybody.
    Be disciplined. I know it’s hard, but God is good, He would provide you courage — just ask for it. Be determined not to do it, aside from the fact that it’s dangerous, but because God hates it. God bless!

  • Maria spano says:

    God Is Love ,He Love all of us ,and we need to love Him Back ,with Sacrifice ,like He sacrificed Himself ,to give us Eternal Life ,He teach us hate the sin ,LOVE THE SINNER ,don’t leave the Church ,Jesus and Mama Mary ,will help you to stay chaste ,Join that place that help you reach heaven ,And never believe that is Impossible ,If Jesus can resuscitation the dead in He’s time. On hearth ,He can help anyone ,especially , His Children’s that desire to please Him ,you are in my Prayers ,Trust in Jesus ,God Bless you ,my dear ,

  • Wow! I am completely disappointed that this site chose to recommend a site that supports the idea that sexual orientation can be ‘cured’ through therapy. I do not pretend to understand why God chooses to create people who are burdened by a sexuality that He himself condemns; I am also totally confused as to why God would burden people who are God loving and faithful to him by condemning them to a life that can’t contain spousal love. For them to marry traditionally would be a farce and totally betray the meaning of marriage. As I said, I don’t pretend to understand it, but the idea that ‘therapy’ can ‘cure’ those who are attracted to members of their own sex has been totally debunked.

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