Relationships will go well when the conditions are right; everyone knows this. But what conditions can damage a relationship? Most people usually think of something as big as infidelity, big lies, and the likes, but even tiny things done over a long period can cause as much damage as infidelity. Even avoiding having difficult conversations after or instead of a fight can cause great harm. We spend most of our time on little essential things every day; we say good morning to our partners, hug them, smile, hold hands, and have meals together. If we can get those many little things right, it will be hard for such a relationship to fail since those makeup almost 90 percent of an entire relationship.
Here are a few things to have that will strengthen your marriage:
Conflict-resolution style: Speak, Listen, Apologize:
I started with this since most of the things that plague marriages stem from disagreements. Having a practical system for conflict resolutions is very vital to the longevity of a marriage. So, what is each person’s attitude when there’s a serious disagreement? Do you want peace, or do you want to win? If both parties wish for peace, you must give yourself time and meditate. This is a powerful tool for each partner to see how they have contributed to the problem. If both can see how they have even indirectly contributed to the present issue, they can both admit it to each other and apologize. Most often, the issues that strain a marriage have a longer-than-known history.
Maybe because one partner isn’t speaking up about their needs or the other isn’t listening as much as they should. So when such an issue arises, it should be an opportunity for each person to examine their actions and apologize accordingly. If, however, you’d prefer to be right rather than have peace, you run the risk of losing your partner. Even if you believe your partner is wrong – it is usually hard to conceive an ordinary scenario where you are not at least indirectly at fault for the other person’s misbehavior. So peace is a better route, and this is a simple way to get there.
Also, if you have a more straightforward communication method where one party calls out the other, and an apology follows without resentment, then this is healthy too. Bottom line: you need to speak up and listen – both of you do. If you do not speak, you make a tyrant of your partner by forcing them to push you around, and if you do not listen, you consciously become a tyrant pushing your partner around. Either way, resentment will grow and divide your marriage.
“It will happen to you. That is just a fact. At some point in your marriage you will either carry your spouse, or be carried by your spouse. In reality – you will probably both spend a good deal of time carrying each other”The Catholic Husband Blog
Compassion is at the heart of every healthy relationship. It makes our partners feel heard, loved, and taken care of. But it also makes us feel valuable, useful and fulfilled. If we show our loved ones how much we care by being there for them, we initiate a reciprocal contract with them. We receive such support and care in our time of need as well. Health professionals believe that being in a supportive marriage will increase your lifespan even when prevalent illnesses are factored in. So there is no limit to the importance of sharing in marriage.
Compassion isn’t usually something that happens automatically; in most cases, you’d have to work on it actively. This is because what each person in our lives needs is different. So for your partner, you have to learn what they need and be there for them. For this, it is essential to be on the lookout, to be mindful and attentive. If possible, use reminders to help you keep track of basic routine things like clearing the dishes, cooking a meal, sending a loving text during the day, or asking about a particularly troubling issue at work. I.e., if you know, you are prone to forgetting such vital things.
Respect and Consideration:
I already touched on it above. It is crucial to pay attention. Including the other in every little decision becomes a habit after a while. And such inclusion is reciprocal as well. When reciprocity is lacking, the temptation on the part of the party extending this care would be to stop, but this is the wrong solution. I believe the best thing to do is to ask for reciprocation than to stop since this is too important a culture to throw away. Like I said, use everything you have around you to show love and care, to remind yourself to do something nice each day. Especially something unexpected or surprising. It has to be something tiny, enough to show in action the words of reassurance of love, filling each other’s memories with as much good and light as possible.
Sharing and Collaboration: marriages are for life! This is enough to shock anyone who wants to venture into this vocation since everyone knows it can get monotonous after a while. Things can become dull and tedious. One of the ways to keep things exciting and fun is to share, to do things together. From the very beginning, it is essential to find someone with whom you have a lot in common, especially those things you can discuss for hours without getting tired. If there is nothing like this yet, then experiment, and find it. This type of Collaboration will help even in times of crisis; it will positively contribute to your ability to resolve problems since you know how to work together.